How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Julie King and Joanna Faber

Own Your Family
Own Your Family
How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Julie King and Joanna Faber
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Modeled after the international bestseller “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” “How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” by Julie King and Joanna Faber tailors the original “How To Talk” techniques to parents of children aged between 2 and 7.

Who is it for?

Best suited for parents of children aged between 2 and 7 years- as well as teachers, educators, and anyone else who might work with young kids.

In “How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” you’ll learn:

  • Why Dr. Seuss is right when he writes “a person’s a person – no matter how small!”
  • Why helping children deal with difficult feelings is more important than getting them to do what you tell them to do.
  • How to replace punishments with more peaceful solutions.

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How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Julie King and Joanna Faber | Audio Book Summary

Julie King’s biography

Julie King is an American parent educator. She has a Bachelor of Arts from Princeton University and a Juris Doctor from Yale Law School. Together with Joanna Faber, she co-wrote “How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen”, an international bestseller. The pair have also created Pocket Parent, an interactive companion app to their book, and the app Parenting Hero, an animated introduction to the “How to Talk” approach.

Joanna Faber biography

Joanna Faber is the daughter of the internationally acclaimed expert on communication between adults and children, Adele Faber. She has a master’s degree in special education and has taught bilingual students in West Harlem for a decade. A contributor to one of her mother’s best-known books, “How To Talk So Kids Can Learn”, she regularly conducts workshops based on Adele Faber’s work. Co-written with Julie King, “How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” is her only book so far.

How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen Book Review

How to talk so little kids will listen: A survival guide to life with children ages 2-7. A must-have resource.

How to talk so little kids will listen book review 1:

Faber & King, two parenting experts in their own rights, share their wisdom accumulated from years of conducting How To Talk workshops with parents and a wide variety of professionals. With an engaging mix of storytelling, cartoons, fly-on-the wall discussions from their workshops, and practical tools and tips, they provide concrete tools that will transform your relationship and communication with the young kids in your life.

How to talk so little kids will listen book review 2:

What do we do when our kids won’t brush their teeth, scream in their car seats, pinch the baby, throw books in the library, run rampant in the supermarket, or refuse to eat vegetables? We teach them to communicate effectively. This book is an essential emergency manual of communication strategies, addressing the special needs of children who have sensory processing and autism spectrum disorder.

How to talk so little kids will listen book review 3:

This book will empower parents and caregivers to forge rewarding, joyful, and loving relationships with their children at every age. It will teach them how to deal with tantrums, meltdowns, and other behavioral challenges. It will also teach them how to get through the tough times when their child doesn’t listen, behaves badly, or simply refuses to cooperate. Finally, it will teach them how to raise a child who is confident, responsible, and well-adjusted.

How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen Book Summary

This book is an essential manual of communication strategies for parents of young children. It is modeled after the widely acclaimed ‘parenting bible’ of the 1980s, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Tell by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. It is imagined as a sort of sequel to that book, and is co-written by Adele’s daughter Joanna Faber and Julie King, both of whom are parenting experts in their own rights. As suggested by its name, the book is ‘an essential manual of communication strategy’ aimed at parents of young children.

So, get ready for some tips on how to praise and appreciate them the right way!

Tools for handling emotions

Think of all the times you’ve yelled at your kids. How often did you yell because they did something wrong? How often did you yell just because you were angry? How often did you get angry because you were tired, stressed out, or overwhelmed by other things? Probably the latter, correct?

The point is that we can’t behave right when our emotions aren’t right. And children can’t behave right when their emotions aren’t right. If we don’t take care of their emotions first, we have little hope of engaging their cooperation. We can easily deal with positive feelings: we just accept them. But dealing with negative feelings is difficult. We don’t want to give them any authority: we want to correct them, diminish their impact, or at least make them go away. Our intuition tells us this. Well, our intuition is wrong in this particular case! All feelings can and should be accepted. It is the actions that need to be limited.

When your child says something negative and inflammatory to you, try not to react right away. Instead, ask yourself what emotion he/she is feeling. You may be surprised at what you find out. For example, if your child is angry, you might say “I’m sorry I didn’t understand what you were saying.” If your child is sad, you might say “What happened?” If your child is frustrated, you

Express your feelings with words.

  • “Oh, that was really disappointing – you wanted that cake so much and now the shop is closed!”

Write down your thoughts and feelings.

  • “Let’s get ready to go out. I’ll write down what we need to buy and leave it at the front desk. When we come back, they will have everything ready for us.”

Art is an excellent way to acknowledge someone’s feelings

  • Start drawing an ice cream cone and ask your kid if they want to help you draw their dream ice cream. Ask them what flavor they want and then start drawing. Discuss the drawing together: “What color should the ice cream be? What kind of toppings should we put on top?”

Give in fantasy what cannot be given in reality.

  • “How great it would be if I had my own keys to the store. I could go in right now, and try all the flavors! I could even make a 10 foot tall cone!”

Acknowledge feelings by paying attention to them without saying anything.

  • Instead of lecturing them and making them feel worse by saying things like ‘It’s only ice cream – it’s not a big thing,’ empathise with them by using words or sounds such as ‘Ugh!’ ‘Mmm.’ ‘Ooh.’ or ‘Huh.’ Remember: they need to be able to express themselves first and foremost.

Tools for engaging cooperation

Acknowledge your child’s feelings will not make them do the things you need them to do. Kids are just like adults. They don’t want to be forced to do anything. If they really want to do a thing, as soon as they hear an order, they may not want to do it any longer. “It’s human nature,” Faber reminds us. “Direct orders provoke direct opposition.” When we give children commands we are working against ourselves. Where were hoping to inspire obedience, we have just stirred up rebellion in our children’s hearts. Fortunately, there are many different ways to get your kids do what they have to.

Be playful.

  • Make it fun: “Let’s play a game! How long can you brush your teeth before you get sick? Ready… set… GO!”
  • Make inorganic matter talk. “We are dirty teeth, full of bacteria. We need someone else to clean us up – or we’ll get kicked out of the pizza party!”
  • If you’re a Jedi, brush your teeth!
  • Pretending: “Young soldier – the fate of the known Universe depends on you brushing your tooth properly! Scientists say that, if you miss just one Spot – ugly bacteria from Mars will invade our Planet.”
  • Play the competent fool: “I’m sorry, I haven’t had time to brush my teeth today. But I’ll show you how to use a toothbrush. First, hold the handle firmly in your right hand. Then, place the bristles against your gums and move them back and forth. You should feel the bristles moving through

Offer a choice.

  • Instead of telling your children that they will get grounded if they throw sand at each other, you can simply say “You can play on the grass or swing.” Make sure both options are okay with you and your child. If they choose to play on the grass, then you can let them go. If they choose to swing, then you can help them out.

Let the child be in charge.

  • “Bobby! Would you please set the timer and let me know when it’s time for us to leave for school?

Give information.

  • “Tissues should be thrown away.”

Say it with a phrase (or a gesture).

  • “Trash!”
  • Try to understand the progress made before describing what remains to be done: “Hmm, I see that most blocks are in the toybox. Only a few blocks remain to be placed.”

Describe how you feel.

  • When expressing anger, avoid starting sentences with “you” because it makes people feel bad. Instead, start sentences with “i”: “i don’t like food thrown onto the floor.”

Write a note.

  • “I’m not sure if I should put you on my head or ride you.”

Take action without insult.

  • Anger is a natural emotion that we all experience at times. We may not always understand why we feel angry, but we usually know when we’re feeling it. Expressing our anger in a healthy way helps us to cope with it. When we express our anger in a healthy manner, we help ourselves and others.

Tools for resolving conflict

But what if your child doesn’t listen to you? What if your child pushes your unprepared daughter down a slide at the playground? Do you punish him? Most parents would say “yes” because they think that punishment is the right thing to do. But Faber says that there is another way to handle conflicts. He suggests that we should try to understand why children behave like they do. If we can figure out why they act the way they do, then we can come up with better ways to deal with them.

  • Express your feelings… strongly! Use “I” when talking about yourself: “Hey, I don’t like to watch people being pushed around.” Use “we” when talking about your team: “Hey, we, …
  • Let your child know how to make amends when he has done something wrong. Be specific: “Your sister is crying because she is hungry. She needs something to eat. I am going to go to the store and get her some pretzels. Would you like to come along?”
  • Offer a choice. “You can swing on the swings, or you can play in our sandbox. You decide. We’ll be here when you get back.”
  • Take action without insult. “We’re going home. We’ll try to play at the park again tomorrow. I’m too worried that kids will get hurt today.”
  • Try problem-solving. This is perhaps the most effective tactic for dealing with unruly children. “You don’t have to sit around waiting for problems to occur,” says Faber. “Plan ahead!” Problem-solving is a five step interactive process that works like:
  1. Acknowledge your children’s feelings. “I can see that you really enjoy sliding so much that you’re looking forward to going again.”
  2. Describe what you think the problem is. “The problem I see is that there are many other kids who like it just as much as me. If they go around pushing me all the time, then I won’t get my turn.”
  3. Ask for ideas. “We need some ideas to solve this problem so that everyone can slide as much as he wants.”
  4. “Decide which ideas you both agree on.” “So, you like the concept of you going three times more than your sister going three time?”
  5. Try out your solutions and see if they work. “OK, let’s see if our plan works!”

Tools for praise and appreciation

Praise is important for kids. Praise helps them feel good about themselves and encourages them to try harder. Praising kids also helps them understand what they did right and what they need to work on next time.

Describe what you see.

  • Instead of saying “Great job!” when your child does something well, just say “That looks great.” Don’t praise them for doing something right, because they will not remember that. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of their work. Praise them for the things they did well, like drawing a face or coloring a picture.

Describe the effect of your actions on others.

  • Instead of telling your dog to sit, say: “Sit!” Your dog will understand what you mean. You might even get a smile out of him.

Describe effort.

  • Instead of praising the result, praise the effort: “You really tried hard to get those shoes tied. You were determined to succeed, even though it took you a long time. That’s great!”

Describe progress.

  • Instead of saying “you’re still not dressed” I say “we’re almost done”. Then I show them what I’m doing. That way they get excited about the next step.

Final Notes

“Talk to Your Baby” is an indispensable guide for parents of newborns and toddlers. It provides advice on how to talk to children from birth to age three, including tips on how to get them to listen, how to help them understand what you say, and how to encourage them to speak. It also covers topics like how to deal with tantrums, how to handle separation anxiety, and how to teach your child about emotions.

It’s an integrative, well-organized and straight to the point book, “How to Talk so Little Children Will Listen” is really “a survival guide to life as a parent!”

Kids need to be treated like adults. If you treat them like children, they will act like children. Don’t forget that famous quote by Peggy O’Meara, the long time editor and publisher of Mother Magazine: “The way we talk to children becomes their inner voice.”

I hope you enjoyed reading and listening to our book summary of How to talk so little kids will listen.

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